When the news comes down and the frenzy starts, all you can do is wait.
When the world turns upside down to deliver a heavy blow, waiting is the only choice.
When road flies by and your heart skids to a stop, there is nothing to do but wait.
Hospitals are where we spend our first day and our last day; sometimes, our best day and often, our worst.
Today is one of the worst.
Earlier today, I found out that my grandma, my dad’s mom, was rushed to the hospital. And then we got the call to make the 2 and 1/2 hour trip to see her.
In the wake of unspeakable tragedy, sometimes laughter is the only way to seal with the devastation, the anger and the overwhelming madness. So on the trip up, we told stories and joked about little things. The stories continued when we arrived and while we waited, filled with dread, to see Grandma.
This post isn’t really about the hospital horrors though.
It’s about waiting.
It’s about the damages that waiting too long can cause.
It’s about the numbness that a wait can bring about; the heartache as you realize that you may be too late.
4 years ago, we lost my Grandpa on my mom’s side. It was a devasting blow, unexpected considering his energy only shortly before he passed.
Last week, I called my Grandma to wish her a happy birthday. She turned 77. I was a day late. I let my life get away from me and forgot what things are really important: family, connection, love.
Life is short. I think we all know that in the grand scheme of things, our lives are shorter than we hope. We never seem to fit everything in that we want or even that we need. Knowing what I know now, I wish I had talked to my grandma for hours, just listened to her tell me everything that has been happening since I last saw her. Would that dull the sting of waiting for the end? Would it make it better somehow?
We spend so much of our time waiting. Waiting for friends, for family. We wait for birthdays, for holidays, or even for the weekend. We wait anxiously for test results and criticism. We wait for inspiration and creativity. We wait for love.
It’s not always a bad thing, but on days like today, I wonder why we spend so much of our time waiting. Why don’t we jump at the chance to call a loved one or tell someone we love them? Why do we allow work to feel like a chore we do between weekends? Why do we waste our time waiting for life to pass by?
Sometimes waiting is a foregone conclusion. You can’t force doctors to provide the results you want. You have to wait and see. You have to cross your fingers and hope for a positive outcome. It doesn’t matter how long you might be there for. You sit it out, knowing that your presence is the only thing you can offer in these troubled times.
I have a huge family between my parents and the two step parents who have been around since I was a kid. Each member of my family means the world to me. I love them with all of my heart, devotion overflowing past the barriers. I would wait by their sides forever.
Because family, the one I was born with and the one I have chosen, is worth waiting for.
Until Next Time